In my efforts to lose weight and get some nutritional pointers; I am hiring a personal trainer. Actually, my mother and I are hiring him together! We both need to lose weight and though our efforts are getting us by inch by inch, we know we need someone to push us into turning that inch into a foot. I would LOVE to turn that inch into a foot!

Now I'm cheap. So this is a stretch for me. If there's a cheaper alternative to what I'm doing then I'm going to choose the cheaper alternative. However........my cheaper alternative to hiring a personal trainer is subscribing to every fitness magazine that exists! Those offered a few pointers here and there; but I'd be back to a size nine by now if those actually helped. All these magazines offered were lose ten pounds in a week gimmicks!

My other alternatives were buying books by Dr. Oz, and Bob Greene, and even Dr. Ian from celebrity Fit Club. But those were so confusing because they all have different opinions on how to lose weight. I just need to know how a regular person loses weight; no diets, no tricks, no gimmicks, no nothing. Yes, I want to change my eating habits. But no, I do not want to eat beans all day, Dr. Ian! I just want to learn how to eat healthy, and learn exercises specifically tailored to my needs.

A personal trainer costs a lot more money than those mags and books, but he can definitely help me get where I need to go. Plus, those magazines don't shout at me when I'm being lazy. When you pay for a personal trainer, you're paying for someone to push you to your limit and beyond...because we can really go beyond what we feel our 'limit' is. I need that extra push. I am so tired of shopping and finding nothing to fit me. Can I once again find love in shopping for clothes? I have become a technology freak now...the money I used to spend on building up my wardrobe now goes to the latest iPod, Cell Phone, GPS system...let's see...what else have I bought? LOL....I know it's vain but I want to find pleasure in going shopping once again. Yesterday I went into Target to buy a shirt. A simple shirt. It took me an hour to do so. Not because I didn't find anything I liked - I found tons of things I liked! But I couldn't find anything in my size and it hurt! It really made me angry at myself (and at these stores for thinking anybody over a XL needs to wear ugly things or pay extra for it).

I also want to find pleasure in looking in the mirror. I want to look at myself and love the face staring back at me. Now, I look at myself and I see a fat face that used to be skinny, a double chin that used to walk alone, flabby arms that used to look strong and defined, a stomach hanging over my pants that used to be hidden inside, flabby thighs that used to be sexy and firm, 42DD's that used to be...well, you get the picture...

And a personal trainer isn't a magician, and I'm not going to treat him as such. I still have to put forth the effort even when he's not around. It's my responsibility to learn as much as I can from him and put all that he teaches me into practice. It's my responsibility to make the changes; he only tells me how to go about it. If I still insist on eating a pound of M&M's and five Mr. Goodbar's and a box of Mike & Ike's all in one sitting; then ALL that's on me. I have to put forth the effort. I have to work hard, I have to make the changes. My personal trainer already has a healthy, strong body - inside and out. He's already there. Now it's my turn; and I need his help. Maybe when I'm buff and tough I'll be able to help someone else!

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It's been a rough few weeks, you know.  Lagging behind in school.......and now I am officially wondering: Is college even for me?  I mean, I want to be a writer and of course, I'm gonna need a dayjob for now.  Not too many debut authors making millions.....or thousands, really. Hundreds? Let's pray I at least get that, lol!!!!

But I am working on sooo many projects right now.  I'm preparing a piece to submit to the literary magazine at my school.  I'm working on some paying/non paying gigs I saw of craigslist (right now, I just wanna write....).  I am also working on my first novel.

With all that going on, school is an afterthought, LOL, and what I actually plan on doing for next semester is taking the money I'd normally be paying in tuition and applying it to my credit cards.  I am in so much debt and I need to be free.  Lack of debt may not buy me happiness, but it will get me a get-out-of-stress free card!  And......my car will be PAID for as of July, so that money's going straight to the credit cards as well.

So, I'm feeling okay with my new debt elimination plan, and even though I'm putting school on the back burner, it will be well worth it to never owe anybody anything ever again.

Now, to the point of this blog.....

I hopped on the scale….afraid....but discovered that I have lost yet another ONE pound.  Weight loss for me is a creepy crawly process.  That thing about not avoiding your cravings when you have them - there's truth in that!  You try to ignore your cravings and when - yes, when - you give in....to hell with health! INDULGE is all you hear!  If you do anything, don't ignore your cravings! I had a taste for some M&M's.  One small bag of M&M's was all I wanted. I ended up ignoring the craving for about a week.  Once I could no longer fight it I bought the whole large bag and killed the bag in nearly one sitting.  Don't ignore your cravings.  I saw the small check-out lane bag - ignored it and turned an anthill into a mountain!

But nonetheless, I have been neglecting the gym, as it's getting more boring by the minute.  I walked around the track when it was slightly warm outside....but that was....one day?  So instead I hop on my treadmill in my basement and watch the Style network on my television.  I use my ten pound hand weights while watching Top Model.  Sometimes - and I do mean sometimes - I wake up in the morning and Walk Away the Pounds, with Leslie Sansone.  Or I may do some Pilates with Lori Windsor (Winsor?).

I'm not drinking nearly enough water as I started out drinking.  I've picked up the nasty Soda habit again – though thankfully, I’m not a heavy drinker like I used to be, LOL.  I never crave Sodas, but at work, they're in the fridge and I can't resist a cold Sprite when I see one, LOL.  Eating breakfast and getting enough sleep are also my downfalls.  I'm a night owl, and what's worse is that I was contemplating getting a night job to help me get out of debt....not a great idea.  I decided to sacrifice school instead.

What else am I not doing?  That's about it.  I'm still a chocolate addict.....had some Robin Eggs today!  Had some Peeps last week.  Had some cake yesterday........This is why I was trying to avoid my cravings because there are to danged many of them!!!

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